So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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