fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
