I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
