Cold hands, warm shart.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
