What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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