my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
