Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
