I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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