i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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