Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you win again, gameday.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
