I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
