It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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