I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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