so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
