put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
