question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
