Someone shit on the floor
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
