thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
