it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
