Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
