He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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