Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
