suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
