You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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