I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your penis caused this!
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