how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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