This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize