Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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