Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
