WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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