Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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