So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
