I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
