I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize