so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
