Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
