I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
