You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
