he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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