I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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