just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
