i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
