As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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