I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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