This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
