perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
