I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize