The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
