Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
