I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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