In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
