I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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