Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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