I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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