literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
