You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
