so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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