I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
