Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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