I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
