can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
