Moan for me like Helen Keller
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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