Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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