Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
