he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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