Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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