My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
