you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
