he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
