Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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