Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
